It's My Fault
by Trixie-A.-Lestrange
Summary: Santana Lopez reflects on the death of a friend. My first fic, so please be kind! Rated T for Character Death and Language.


I was there. When it happened. Q and Britt and I were going to the McKinley Theatre to rehearse our number for the Glee club's current assignment. I remember it in perfect detail.

We were walking through the halls, towards the Theatre. That's when we heard the music. "Fuck," I had said, "There better be nobody in there, or I'm gonna go all bitch on them."

We burst through the doors. And I saw her. Dangling from a rope above the stage. The Overture from The Phantom of The Opera played on a constant loop (What? Can't a girl enjoy a musical every once in a while?). And we froze. And we just stared. Because she always did have a flair for Dramatic Exits.

When we finally gathered the strength to move, we advanced towards the stage. And that's when an already crying Brittany started sobbing. Because underneath her daughter's dangling figure, Shelby Corcoran layed motionless, a pool of blood forming around her. And a few feet away from the messy ordeal, a piece of white paper stood out against the black of the stage.

And that's when Britt just lost it. She was screaming and flailing. I told Quinn to get her out of here. To find someone. To call 911.

And after they were gone. I slowly walked up the stage steps. And as I was bending down under Rachel Berry's dead body, and next to her mother's, that's when one lone tear fell from my face and landed ob the piece on paper now clutched in my hands.

Only when I was sitting down in a front row chair did I begin to read Rachel Berry's suicide note.

_Dear whoever found me,_

_If you don't know, my name was Rachel Berry. If you knew me, then you should have seen this coming. If you knew me, you did nothing to prevent it. And that's why you are reading this note. Let's start with why. Instead of telling you why I took my own life, I'm going to ask you why. Why did I deserve the bullying? What did I do to make most of you hate me so much? Why did I have to wash slushies off of me daily? Why did I drive home crying everyday? Why did no one love me? My dads don't really love me. My Mother didn't want me. Nobody wants me. A few days ago, some of the football jocks who regularly terrorize me slushied me, then smashed me into a locker, repeating that, "I would be better of dead". So now. I am. I feel this action lessens the pain for everyone. I invited my mother here today. I told her I wanted to show her something important. She will find me dead. If anyone really does miss me, then don't mourn me forever. Go on with your lives. I did this to lessen your burden._

_Sincerely, Rachel Lea Berry_

Then, as I sat there in silence, the Paramedics arrive. I see a few farmiliar faces, like Tina and Kurt, quietly sobbing into each others arms. Then and are sitting next to me, saying words I don't hear. Then Puck is running to the stage, kneeling beside Rachel's body, which has been lowered to the ground. He screamed and yelled. At Finn and Quinn and . When he yelled at me, I didn't hear the words.

I just sat there, silently crying. Not able to move or speak or think.

And now, at this moment, as Rachel Berry's coffin is lowered into the ground alongside her mother's, I cry more. Because I had known. I had seen this coming. I knew as Rachels crazy outfits because jeans and oversized T- Shirts. When she no longer fought for solos, and when offered, she declined.

I still couldn't believe it. Rachel Berry was a figher. And when Berry stopped fighting, something just stopped. The world itself just stopped moving. Because our hope drained away alongside the life of Rachel Lea Berry. She was a star. And she had stopped shining.

And she didn't deserve this. Because nobody did. Nobody deserved the pain Rachel Berry had felt. Truth was, we were all jealous. Because we new that she was the only one who was ever going to make it out of this craphole of a town. Because we all believed that maybe she would take some of us with her. But now she can't.

Because she is gone. She is Dead.

Rachel Berry is gone, and it's our fault. It's my fault.

I, Santana Lopez, caused the death of Rachel Lea Berry, along with everybody else who made her life hell for no reason.


End file.
